This week, Agatha All Along finally caught up to its audience with the confirmation that the character previously known only as “Teen” does indeed have a magical link to the Scarlet Witch—and also gave us its longest episode yet, with 43 minutes of action before the credits roll.
“Familiar by Thy Side” begins with the witchcraft-themed bar mitzvah (!) of Billy’s host body, William Kaplan. It’s here we discover Lilia was hired to entertain at the shindig as a palm reader. She informs William his “lifeline is broken in two,” before receiving another of her tarot card-themed visions. “The Tower, reversed,” she utters, before encouraging her latest charge to “enjoy the now” while he still can. Praising her fortune-telling kiosk for having “early Argento” vibes (a Profondo Rosso reference, maybe?), a spooked William takes off, leaving his jacket behind. For reasons kept to herself (and the audience), we discover Lilia was the one to hex Teen with the silencing sigil, which she inserts into his jacket pocket before asking a party attendee to make sure he gets it back.
On his way home from the party, William is killed in a car crash just outside Wanda’s enchanted red dome, whereupon the spirit of Billy conveniently finds refuge (in another stroke of coincidence, the attending officer on the scene is none other than Alice Wu-Gulliver). Post-accident, Billy discovers he can now read minds, yet has no memory of either one of his former lives. He’s a human tabula rasa, unrecognized by either his parents or the family dog, Greg. Entering his bedroom decorated with posters for The Black Cauldron and Bedknobs and Broomsticks, Billy—reflected by two mirrors—repeatedly reminds himself that he is, despite his better judgment, William Kaplan.
Three years later, Billy gets a bland yet endlessly supportive boyfriend (in the same vein as Devon from Chucky) named Eddie who encourages him on his semi-posthumous journey to uncover his true identity. As the two review Billy’s “crazy wall” about the Westview Anomaly (on his floor, actually—we see the posters from before have since been replaced with ones for more teen-oriented films like The Craft and Saw), Billy reveals a man he met on Reddit has agreed to meet him in a dimly lit parking garage to discuss witchcraft. Naturally, the two head off to meet him and we discover this occult Deep Throat is actually Ralph Bohner, Evan Peters’ character from WandaVision. In a scene that goes on far too long, Bohner recounts the events of the prequel series, revealing he’s deeply traumatized, he was the one who poisoned Wanda’s dog Sparky (RIP), and SWORD has since cannibalized Vision’s remains for parts.
Continuing his research at home, Billy divines Agatha is indeed an immortal witch, responsible for a zeppelin explosion, and potentially the inspiration for Dolly Parton’s “Jolene.” More importantly, he learns Agatha is “the only known survivor” of the Witches’ Road and believes he can recover his lost brother, Tommy, if he’s able to complete the journey himself. Upon finding Agatha, we revisit the events of the pilot episode from his perspective, Rashomon-style, confirming Agnes of Westview was a far more unhinged affair than previously depicted. Billy’s portrayal as a disaffected goth burglar was also largely exaggerated, as the boy’s wiener qualities emerge in earnest—at least until he finally announces to the world he is, indeed, a Maximoff.
As the show returns to the present, Agatha handily disgorges herself from the bog of quicksand she was cast in at the end of the previous episode before revealing she knew Teen’s secret identity this whole time. According to Agatha, both Wanda and Billy share the same “tell,” but does not reveal what that is to the audience (I’m guess they’re saving it for a later episode to underline an upcoming noble sacrifice he first volunteers for—but we’ll see). Agatha encourages him not to feel sorry for apparently murdering Jennifer and Lilia (we’ll see about, too, I guess…) as she’s killed countless people before and likely will again—it’s what good witches do. Though Billy continues to have his misgivings about Agatha and sorcery necessarily being precluded by violence, he agrees to continue with her on the Witch’s Road to recover his missing brother. “Last one there is a nice person,” Agatha quips, just before the credits roll.
This week’s episode did a lot of explaining and over-explaining and explaining a third time for those in the back. Anyone with a modicum of interest in this story already knew who Teen was from the get-go, so regardless of quality, spending an entire hour of television backtracking this reveal felt like a waste of time. It’s a bit like Predator 2—a fun movie every bit as good as the original, yet it makes the mistake of structuring itself like a mystery when the answer to who’s been butchering Los Angeles’s drug cartels rests in its very title. If you’re watching this show, you likely saw WandaVision, and if you enjoyed it enough to pursue its sequel series, you’ve also likely (at least) read the Scarlet Witch’s Wikipedia page or websites like the one you’re currently on now.
Also of note: Rio’s absence since last week’s supernatural slumber party continues to be ignored, almost as if they forgot to film an important scene or something. Naturally, she will return—in her true form, perhaps, if you believe those leaked Funko Pop figurines—but honestly, what gives? During the flashback scenes to the pilot episode, it’s confirmed Billy wasn’t able to see Rio at the same moments Agatha was able to, either, which will likely mean something going forward. Does she simply blink in and out of existence and people’s perceptions, similar to the redaction sigil cast upon Billy?
Anyway, with all this table-setting finally complete, it seems we can expect another themed trial next week, in which Agatha and Billy must put aside their differences to complete another game show challenge—and maybe grow a little along the way. Which raises an interesting questions: what’s the witchiest buddy movie? Thelma & Louise? Let’s discuss in the comments.
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